Shared in this blog post is a sort of book review along with some of my personal thoughts and experiences about introverts. This post is a particularly lengthy one, but I hope you can stick with me on it! I believe it'll be worth your time.
Since high school, I have considered the intricacies of personality
differences a personal passion. I tend to identify myself as an introvert
for at least ninety percent of statements on the Myers-Briggs and
similar personality indicators. As a student of Jungian psychology, I've enjoyed teaching others in
various presentations over the years about the eight main personality
characteristics. Much of my awareness of this topic was self-taught
through reading relevant books as an adolescent, but I also had the
pleasure of taking a graduate level course that greatly expanded my
knowledge about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.
I thought I knew
the "ins and outs" of introversion pretty well, so when I heard about
the book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop
Talking," I was intrigued but figured there wouldn't be much new to
learn. I was pleasantly surprised that I was wrong.
Book Details:
Cain, Susan
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
New York: Crown Publishers, 2012.
352 pp. $26.00
978-0-307-35214-9
An introvert herself, author Susan Cain tackles the subject of introversion in her book by sharing the years of research she's done. She discusses the implications of numerous fascinating scientific studies about human personalities and brain functions. Cain offers suggestions for how to encourage an introvert child in their development - and how introverts can ensure their voices are heard. But most importantly, Cain offers introverts the mantra that they have more power than they realize in "a world that can't stop talking."
Are we born with our personalities, or are they learned? Research suggests both are responsible but to various degrees for each individual. One longitudinal study by Jerome Kagan finds that we potentially inherit what's called low- and high-reactive sensitivity to our environments. As babies, those who have a low-reactivity to new stimuli tend to be extraverts in later life, while those babies who have a high-reactivity to new stimuli tend to be introverts. In other words, if as a baby, you're exposed to something new and it upsets you, you are highly reactive and are likely to avoid or at least carefully navigate new stimuli later in life - essentially, an introverted trait. There's not a perfect correlation between reactivity and personality, but it is significant. This initially sounds like introversion isn't healthy; not true - there's a reason why high-reactivity can be a good thing, which I'll explain later.
Cain briefly mentions in her book that many individuals with significant
health issues tend to become introverts, because their thoughts and
feelings are directed
inward. As
a child, I dealt with a lot of social anxiety due to health issues.
Because of intestinal issues (which you can read about in other posts of
mine), I was often focused on how my stomach felt and how quickly I
could get to a bathroom [funny enough, Cain notes that many introverts
seek out bathrooms to get away from the world for a moment - makes sense
the more I think about it!]. It makes me wonder - had I not
experienced those health issues as a child, would I be more extraverted
today?
Based on my experience and education, I know that introversion is not a "bad thing," but our cultural upbringing in the West tends to convince us that introversion is a less revered trait than extraversion. Cain's research shows that this cultural phenomenon didn't fully form in the United States until the beginning of the industrial revolution. Before the industrial revolution when Americans generally lived in small communities and knew each other well, Americans greatly valued Character (moral values). One could be quiet but be considered valued community members because of their quiet strength. But as industry grew, large-scale urban employment created the perception that people needed to be concerned more with how they were socially perceived by others. Mass advertising then began to take off, suggesting that people should do whatever they could to create an agreeable and charismatic social appearance (physically and emotionally) in order to get good jobs and make lots of acquaintances. With this transition, introversion began to be associated, unfairly, with social anxiety and shyness. There is of course a major difference between social anxiety and introversion; while some introverts experience social anxiety, there are also many extraverts who experience social anxiety but do their best to hide it - resulting in panic attacks and other negative experiences.
Growing up as an introvert, I tended to think there was something wrong with me. This line of thinking didn't begin until I attended school and left the comforts of home. I would wonder why other kids socialized so easily and I didn't. School is a major turning point for introverts, because it's when socializing becomes so important. Group learning in schools is becoming more prevalent compared to when I was a child, and therefore introverts are being confronted with situations that potentially reinforce the feeling they are inferior to their extraverted classmates. Cain points out an example of what happens when introverted children are forced to participate in a group brainstorming session that addresses a problem. An introvert tends to reflect on a problem and won't speak up in a group unless they are confident in their thoughts or are invited by the group without judgment to speak their mind. The result is that introverts either don't speak up in a group or if they do speak up, they may do so too tentatively, and their ideas are neglected because they're not confident enough. As you can imagine, this can have a cumulative negative effect on an introvert's self-confidence as they grow older. Cain notes that many teachers do a great job ensuring that introverted children get the individual attention they need, but the educational system as a whole isn't doing a favor for our introverts.
Self-confidence is, of course, a positive trait, right? Well, usually. Introverts are more likely to be cautious - and possibly less confident - than their extraverted colleagues. But caution can be an important survival technique that our Extraverted culture unfortunately frowns upon. Extraverts tend to act quickly without much reflection but with great confidence. In an action-oriented society, if you are tentative in your approach, you might be labeled as lacking in confidence. And it's possible you could use some help building confidence. But it's crucial to separate caution from lack of confidence.
Here's my personal view on caution and risk. Consider the following common sayings:
"Better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission."
"The second mouse gets the cheese."
I would argue that the first quote was created by an extravert. It promotes risk-taking and decisiveness. Get the job done yourself, and if it turns out it was the wrong decision, you can always ask for forgiveness later. What's wrong with this situation? I'd say you better expect to be held accountable and learn from your mistake. But research shows that introverts are
more likely than extraverts to learn from their mistakes. Why? Because an introvert might feel a certain feeling of concern based on their mistake, thus they will reflect on their decision in greater depth. What did they do wrong, and what could they do better? Extraverts are more likely to be
overconfident and dismiss their mistake easily. A consistent praise my supervisors have given me is that I
never make the same mistake twice. I've always taken pride in that - and now I know introversion has played a role in that strength.
You probably get the idea now that I would argue the second saying above was created by an introvert. The first mouse sees cheese in a trap - they see a reward and are willing to act quickly to get it. Unfortunately, they might not live to get the reward when the trap ensnares them. The second mouse, watching the first mouse all this time, demonstrates caution, a trait inherently tied to the exercise of reflection. The second mouse analyzes the situation thoughtfully - and either gets the cheese by determining a solution through persistence, or decides the reward isn't worth the risk and leaves the cheese alone. Cain describes the concept of reward-sensitivity and how extraverts' brains are actually geared to be more excited/stimulated by rewards, while introverts' brains are geared to get less excitement from rewards. The upside for extraverts is that they act quickly and potentially win the prize. The upside for introverts is they reflect on whether the prize is worth the risks, and if so, how they can best get the prize.
Western society puts high value on people who exude lots of confidence, ambition, and decisiveness. But Cain finds through interviews with some experts about the 2008 financial crisis that the American recession was partially created by the Extraverted Ideal. That might sound unfair at first, but consider that the financial fall-out was created in an environment inundated with excess risk. Reward-seeking corporate leaders and overconfident hedge fund traders took risks that may have caused the crisis. That overconfidence did great harm, and there were in fact many more cautious mid-level financial folks who were wary of too much risk. Those more cautious introverted folks, such as Vincent Kaminski who was the managing director of research for the now-infamous company Enron, saw the excess risk the company was involved in. Vincent pointed those excess risks out to leaders of the company, but he was ultimately removed from his responsibilities because the leaders saw their risks as worth the rewards. We all know now if Enron followed Vincent's advice, things would have turned out much better.
You may be starting to think that Susan Cain's book bashes extraverts. That's not the case. Instead, her book focuses strongly on the often overlooked advantages of introversion. In western culture, extraverts have become the likely candidates for power positions. And unfortunately, introverts often get pushed aside. Her book is a beacon of strength for introverts - and a calling for extraverts to pay attention.
Personally, I do need to build more healthy self-confidence for myself. And I have to say that Susan's book gives me hope and strength in the fact that
there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Sure, I already know that intuitively based on my own personality research - but my
experiences throughout life have negatively caused me to believe that something was wrong.
I am fortunate to work in the field of student affairs in higher education where many people are easily accepted. Tolerance and open-mindedness are trademark aspects of higher education. On the other hand, student affairs is also an extravert-dominant field. And despite all the best intentions, even extraverts in student affairs don't fully understand introverts. We in our field place great importance on students (and colleagues) "coming out of their shells" and feeling more confident to take risks. The irony here is that "shells" have a survival function - turtles need them, right? While it is arguably essential to build social skills and come out of one's shell to an extent, it is also important to take care in encouraging introverts by letting them know their shells have extraordinary intrinsic value. Harness those strengths.
I've been able to harness some of my strengths effectively as an introvert. For example, I've developed a finely tuned skill with communicating the written word. Whenever my department reviews and/or expands upon our written operating procedures, web pages, and publications, they seek out my advice for wording issues in terms of communication, grammar, and punctuation. They know to utilize my skills because I've been an advocate for this area - and they've witnessed the benefits of that.
When I was in college, I was painfully nervous in public settings but I wanted to be a student leader. I was lucky to have leaders around me who saw my abilities as a web site developer as useful to student organizations. They encouraged me to be a web developer for our residence hall council and later the campus-wide residence hall association. Through that experience, I built some needed self-confidence and decided I wanted to be more of a leader. To do so, I practiced public speaking in our weekly campus organization meetings. I became more comfortable expressing myself publicly, as long as I meticulously prepared. Introverts
can be effective public speakers when they prepare. Other introverts, who are inherently good at "self-monitoring" can become good public speakers, too. Self-monitoring is the ability to adapt to social situations by observing social cues. After taking the
Self-Monitoring Scale test on-line, I learned I was an intermediate self monitor. In some ways, I love the idea of acting. Sometimes I enjoy making a fool of myself in front of groups, such as when there are planned skits or performances. Self monitoring is a means of acting, essentially; as long as an high monitoring introvert doesn't exhaust themselves, they can be quite effective in public speaking and performances. For me, I have a low tolerance for public speaking - I can't do it very often, but when I have the desire, it can be a lot of fun.
In other ways, Quiet has shown me some strengths that I've harnessed without fully realizing it before. In supervisory positions, introverts naturally do better with smaller teams because it allows for one-on-one and more intimate ways to communicate - this I knew; but I didn't know that research shows that introverts are better supervisors than extraverts when they oversee employees
who are pro-active and independent. This is because introverts are inclined to allow those employees to shine without being micromanaged. An introverted leader tends to listen to their employees carefully and hear out their ideas; introverted leaders also aren't interested in "dominating social situations" as Cain puts it, so they can allow their employees to take credit. Extraverts on the other hand tend to want to take credit for successes. They're less likely to hear out their employees ideas closely. Studies show that pro-active employees therefore are more productive and effective in their work under introverted leaders. (In contrast, extraverted leaders
are better supervisors with employees who are
more passive, because extraverts are good at inspiring and confidently moving passive folks to work effectively.) I now realize my best student staffs I have supervised were those with strong personalities and/or creative individualists; since I have a major role in the hiring process for the staff members who work for me, perhaps I've always intuitively realized who would be the best fit on my team.
Susan Cain poses the challenge that introverts can not sit idly by in western society. She discusses strategies for how introverts can be better advocates for their positions in an extraverted world. Because let's be honest - not all extraverts will read her book and buy into it (though, some will of course). When introverts and extraverts work together to bridge the gaps in their styles, we all stand to benefit.
I'll provide an example of how those gaps can be bridged. One of my supervisors and I initially had great difficulty working together. She is a strong extravert, while of course I'm a strong introvert. We clashed for a long while. But over time, we learned about each other's strengths and weaknesses. It was a two-way road, and we both adapted our styles within our working relationship. She learned that when giving me responsibility for a significant decision, she would give me a fair amount of time to process and reflect upon the decision. This allowed me to be comfortable in making a decision that I felt was fundamentally sound. I also learned to be more forth-coming about my ideas and opinions with her. Because of our mutual efforts, we have a much stronger working relationship!
If you're an introvert feeling impaired by all of the Extraversion surrounding you, I believe this book will affirm your strengths. It is a sort of groundswell of support that reinforces the fact that
introverts have power. If you're an extravert who has a close relationship with an introvert, and you want to develop a better understanding and be an empowering partner, this book will also provide you with great insight.
Ultimately, extraverts and introverts balance out each other's strengths and weaknesses. Western society is currently off-balance, though. The game is rigged for extraverts to succeed, but thankfully cultures can change. Society is gradually progressing, politically, to create a world of equality for all people of all kinds. I would argue that Personality deserves a spotlight for equality, too.
