Meet "Fly"

I'd like to present to you an opportunity to meet my cartoon alter-ego.  His name is "Fly."

Why mention him?  Well - when I woke up this morning, my mind was bursting with childhood and adolescent memories.  My dreams were bittersweet, a collage of the many different places I've lived.  I've moved a total of twenty-two times in my 31 years thus far.  Sometimes it was just down the street, and twice it was nearly 3,000 miles.  Along my travels, my creative alter-ego has always tagged along.  Here he is: 

I've always enjoyed putting my mind to creative use, whether it be in the form of poetry, photography, drawing, and even electronic music.  In fifth-grade during an after-school program, I was doodling with some crayons in the cafegymnatorium (an Urbandictionary term for a combination of a cafeteria, gymnasium, and auditorium).  I think I would have been about ten years old.  At that time, I loved drawing goofy cartoon characters.  Bursting onto the paper, the world witnessed the birth of an unusual new bird: Fly.  Okay, so that's a little dramatic. 

I wish I kept the original drawing of Fly.  What I can tell you is that he matured over a few years, subtly changing, as I did the same in my youth.  The above drawing, which I just did today, is pretty much what Fly has looked like since I attended high school.  I don't know what kind of bird he is.  Maybe an experimental cross-breed between a peacock and a chicken?  He has always worn something resembling a target on his belly.  His hair and feathers are typically flamboyant and blue, though he has occasionally been dyed a different color, depending on my mood.  The expression in his eyes is generally of an acute alertness, frequently bordering on the panicked "deer in headlights" look.  He is precariously balanced on two little stick-legs.  He has wings, but despite his name, I'm not really sure he has the ability to fly.  Perhaps a few feet in the air for a short distance?

Fly was featured in comic strips that I created when I was in middle school.  He hung out with a turtle sort of friend, though I don't know if his friend ever had a name.  I've sometimes drawn Fly on chalkboards in classes before teachers arrived.  He is, in essence, my companion of imagination. 

I guess if I were a bird, I'd want to be like Fly.  Because I know I'm one strange bird, which is just how I like it. ;)

Right now, I kind of feel like a kid again.

My First 5K!

After walking two half-marathons in June and October this year, I finally participated in my first 5K run/walk today!  I know... usually, one probably starts with a 5K, then a 10K, then works their way up to doing a half-marathon, but I'm always doing things the unconventional way. 

Today's 5K was the Crescent Classic 5K Run/Walk at Bridgewater State University where I work.  It was put on by Gamma Phi Beta, one of our sororities, whose members and alumni include some awesome people, such as my senior RA, my friend Erin at work, and several residents I know. The proceeds from the 5K went to Camp Fire USA, whose goal is to "build caring, confident youth and future leaders."

The difference for me doing a 5K was that I felt pressure from peers (and myself) to run a good part of the race.  I really hate running.  But it totally makes sense that for these shorter races, I should challenge myself more by running.  Three-mile brisk walks are routine for me now, and I'm not going to improve much more on my walking pace (my best walking pace so far was around 13:26 min/mile, I believe).  So I've been training (albeit less than regularly) over the last three weeks or so by jogging and walking in intervals each time I go out.  My shins and ankles are never happy with me whenever I do this.  But enough about the complaining!

Today's 5K was a hilly course on the campus.  I think I probably jogged and walked in equal amounts, which was the best I've done so far.  According to RoadRunnerGPS on my Blackberry (oh yeah, that was a wonderful new cell phone purchase that replaced that Samsung Restore I mentioned in a past blog), I ran 3.33 miles in 40:07 at a 12:03 pace.  That was a pace record for me.  I guess it was a bit more than a 5K at 3.33 miles, but it's better for it to be longer than shorter than the promised distance!

Check out what RoadRunnerGPS does - I love it! 

It was pretty cold outside today - the wind chill was 25 degrees.  I made some winter running/walking gear purchases a few weeks ago, though.  Gloves, a head band, a jacket, and a couple pairs of running tights.  I love the running tights.  Nothing says "I'm a man" more than when you're wearing these bad boys.  That's totally sarcasm, but it is amazing how well they work considering it's such a thin layer of fabric.  They do a great job keeping your body heat in once you get going.

Here are a couple photos (I can't claim credit for them, though; that'd be Maribeth who also works at BSU)!

At the finish line



Yeah, fancy pants! (and fellow friends, co-workers)

I'm sure I'll be participating in more 5Ks in the future.  But I really need to find another half-marathon to put on my schedule.  I'm ready for another long-distance WALK.  :)  And also nothing motivates you more to keep training frequently than a goal on the horizon.

Oh yes, and on a random note, completely unrelated to walking and running - I'm putting myself back onto the dating market again, effective this weekend.  I've been stalled out for far too long in the relationship arena.  It's time to go actively looking again for that special someone!  I'm looking forward to it!

Gut Feelings: Seeing it in Writing

A few weeks ago, I decided that it would be helpful to read a biographical book written by someone with some form of an intestinal condition.  I was tired of feeling alone in my condition; anything relevant with depth would hopefully meet my needs.  I came across a book called "Learning Sickness: A Year with Crohn's Disease," which I picked up at the local library.  It's a relatively short book, 187 pages, written by an English professor working at Assumption College in Worcester, MA.  The author, James M. Lang, was diagnosed with Crohn's disease in 1996 when he was a graduate student and new father.

Before I go on, I want to clarify that I personally don't have Crohn's disease.  I didn't state what condition I was born with in my previous post.  While I have no intention of describing my condition in depth at least for the time being, due to the stigma surrounding it, if you are so inclined you can read more about what I was born with (high I.A.).  It's tough to even reveal that!  But based on the positive responses I've received so far, I feel just open enough to share the link.

While Crohn's disease is very different categorically to high I.A., there are just enough similarities in symptoms, to the point that I felt a distinct connection to Jim Lang.  Crohn's disease is a chronic inflammatory bowel disease that is very painful.  The disease affects different parts of the gastrointestinal tract, and its impact varies greatly between individuals affected by it.  Crohn's tends to "come and go," in the sense that it can go into remission and flare up again for weeks, months, or years at a time.  Bowel movements are frequent and nearly uncontrollable.  There is no "cure" for Crohn's disease.  Crohn's can be treated, though, and if caught early, the lifetime impact can be lessened.

Jim Lang's book focuses mostly on one year of his life in which his disease was at its worst.  His book moves forward and backward in time, as he discusses when he was first diagnosed with Crohn's and recalls other significant times in his life that were negatively (or positively) affected.  I felt most emotionally connected to Jim's story when he discusses the bad moments and close calls of having "accidents."  Most people really have no clue of the major stigma associated with these. 

There were two major points that stuck with me from Jim Lang's book: a) patient advocacy and b) religiosity among those with chronic illnesses. 

Without a doubt, it's critical when you have a chronic illness to be your own best advocate in the medical system.  Doctors are not always right, and you will likely know your own body better than any doctor would despite the most advanced technology.  When you're in conflict with a doctor's suggestion or opinion, and you absolutely know you're right, you have to stand up for yourself.  With that said, doctors definitely have access to all of the tools and training to help you.

Jim's other point - that he believes many people with any kind of chronic illness are religious people - was intriguing to me.  Certainly, if you're dealing with a lot of pain and suffering that you know won't go away throughout your entire life, you may look to a higher power.  I myself am not religious by any means, but I consider myself a spiritual person (I'm drawn to the philosophies of Taoism and synchronicity - but that's for perhaps another post!).  I was an atheist up until the time I had my first bowel obstruction in 2000.  The combination of the trauma I experienced, along with the love that I felt from my friends and parents, made me think a lot more about what it means to be alive.  Life is truly amazing and worth cherishing and reflecting upon.

I do think that Jim Lang over-sentimentalizes some things in his book.  There are other factors that come into play in the way he deals with Crohn's disease, and those factors won't necessarily be as relateable to others with Crohn's or other intestinal disorders. 

But the major sticking point about his book is that he wrote his thoughts and feelings down about what it's like to deal with his disease.  As far as I know, there are no other biographical books about Crohn's, though there are quite a few practical and medical books on the topic.  His book hits home, and you see the humanity that overshadows the disease.

That's what is missing for people born with I.A.  No one, to my knowledge, has written a book or even a lengthy, in-depth description of what it's like to deal with the consequences of this throughout life.  Someone should do that.  Part of me would love to attempt a book, though I'm not sure if my personality lends itself well to such a long-term endeavor. 

As I begin to hear from new parents with children born with I.A. - and even from other adults like myself - it's becoming all too clear that we've got to break through the stigmas and barriers.  We're not alone.  The stories need to be shared.  Let's talk about things.  Let's see it in writing.

Bad Dream: The Tractor-Trailer

It's not that often that I remember my dreams, but as my sleep was interrupted around 1:00am in the morning, I vividly recall in detail this particular bad dream.  It was one of those dreams that feels very real, as I was experiencing a great deal of anxiety in the dream and even upon waking up.  I figured I would post it here on this blog while I still remember it in such detail (then hopefully, I can go back to sleep in peace!):

I was at my parents' house and was just saying goodbye to my dad.  I had rented a tractor-trailer, though no one I personally know seemed to be aware that I was doing this, including my dad.  As I'm driving the tractor-trailer alone, I come to the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel (if you're not familiar with it, it's an expansive bridge/tunnel connecting Hampton Roads to the Eastern Shore of Virginia).  Except in this dream, there were apparently a series of stairs on the roadway of the bridge-tunnel that you have to carefully drive your vehicle down.  Fearful of the potential dangers of driving a large tractor-trailer down a series of stairs on a bay bridge-tunnel, I slowed down and cautiously moved downward.  But apparently, I wasn't cautious enough, and the tractor-trailer overturned to its side, crushing other cars in the process.  I'm physically fine, but I see someone trapped in the car immediately next to me but can do nothing for them.  I call 911, my voice shaking, to let them know I've caused an accident.  They keep on telling me to calm down.  The dream skips here, whereupon my father enters the scene to pick me up at the bridge-tunnel.  He tells me he assumes it's a mechanical problem with the tractor-trailer and that it'll be okay.  Then he nonchalantly asks: why don't we go to the Outer Banks of North Carolina and relax for a vacation?  I agree to do that, but I can't shake the lingering feeling that I'm the direct and sole cause of that massive accident.

That's when I woke up.  What a silly dream!  It's nonsensical, but it's funny how we can imagine it to be so vividly real as we experience it and even for a minute or two after we wake up.  I'm not really sure what the dream means, if anything. 

On that note, I'm going to try to go back to sleep!  Feel free to laugh, process, or wish you had done something other than read about a dream! ;-)

Change is in the Air

November is apparently going to be a month of change for me, in big and small ways.  Some changes have fallen into my lap, and others have been a conscious personal choice.  Altogether, I think they are positive!

The first piece of wonderful news I received was that my father bought a new 2010 Toyota Prius, and he decided to gift his 2005 Prius to me!  So, sometime later this month I'll be going down to Virginia to pick it up and drive it back to Bridgewater.  I'm so excited for a couple reasons: a) it's always nice to have a newer car, and b) the Prius obviously gets great gas mileage.  My 1998 Nissan Altima is really starting to show its age.  It has nearly 114,000 miles on it, and it has its bumps and bruises.  That car has treated me so well since I got it from my parents in 2003.  I got the Altima when I received my graduate degree in Ohio, and the car took me to Idaho where I worked for three years, and then across the country again to Massachusetts where I've been working the last five years.  I'm spoiled when it comes to getting free cars, but I greatly appreciate it!  So I don't think I'm a brat. ;-)

My '98 Altima, in the Canadian Rockies (2005?)



I don't have an actual photo yet, but this is what the '05 Prius looks like!

In other news, my cell phone has been acting up over the last few weeks.  The display has been demonstrating a kaleidoscopic show of red and blue colors intermixed with what it's supposed to be.  Then this morning, I woke up and discovered the display was upside-down and in reverse.  The only way to read the phone display was by putting it upside-down and in front of a mirror.  So... that forced me to get a new phone this afternoon.  I went to the local Sprint store and decided to go with the Samsung Restore.  It's advertised as an eco-friendly phone - it's made of about 27% recycled material, and when I decide to recycle it and get a new phone, 77% of the phone is recyclable.  Considering I chair the sustainability committee in my office, I guess the combination of the Prius and the Restore is a good image for me. :)  I upgraded my service plan to the Everything Data 450 which means I'll now get internet, e-mail, facebook, and all that jazz on my phone.  The Restore isn't as snazzy as the Blackberry, iPhone, or Droid, but it's like my "gateway drug" to those savvy phones.  So far, it seems to do almost everything the smartphones do.  I am already getting addicted to being "connected" 24/7, I fear.



My Rumor2 demon cat display!



Samsung Restore random stock photo :-)

Upgrading my phone plan will reduce my budget by about $20 a month, though with my 15% USAA discount, it's not really that painful.  Plus I just cancelled my gym membership at Planet Fitness today.  I don't really use the gym anymore.  I get a good cardio workout from all my walking, and I'm thinking I'll invest in a few inexpensive free weights (or maybe get them for Christmas!).

Finally, I went to the NEACRAO (New England Association of Collegiate Registrars and Admissions Officers) conference yesterday in Newport, RI.  I was equally excited and nervous about attending, since I'm strongly considering pursuing a position in a registrar's office in the not-too-distant future.  I felt relatively comfortable at the conference, though.  Some wonderful people who made me feel very welcome.  At the "first-timers" breakfast, when all introduced themselves and their positions, I announced myself as a Resident Director but quickly followed that up by saying "But I'm not lost!"  The sessions I attended and the people I met reinforced my hopes to transition to this career area.  Don't get me wrong - there are several areas of Residence Life I still greatly enjoy (particularly my staff that I supervise) - but being an RD is not a lifetime career.  NEACRAO was, I hope, the start of a greater life change.

New Aquarium Friends

The mourning period is over.

Obviously, that's a bit tongue-in-cheek.  It's been a couple weeks since Sergeant Pepper, my oft-pregnant dalmation molly fish passed.  I thought it time now to make some changes to the aquarium.

Today, I gave away another ten or so dalmation molly babies to the local pet store, which still leaves another ten younger babies in the tank.  And then I went to Petsmart and bought two new additions for my aquarium!

Until now, I've only had artificial plants, so I decided to invest in a moss ball plant.  They're pricey little things at $7.99 a piece.  I just got one, but I figure it'll add some more life to the tank, improve the water quality, and provide a little food to my fish.  As I've got nothing better to do tonight, I'm quite creatively naming this plant "Mossy."

"Mossy" the moss ball plant (the babies are already enjoying it)

The other new addition is a plecostomus fish.  It's essentially a small algae-eating catfish.  You know those creepy somewhat ugly fish that stick themselves to the side of an aquarium, with their big sucker mouths? ;-)  That's what I got!  He's good to have though, as algae has started to grow on the glass, on the plants, and the gravel.  He'll clean that up.  I've dubbed him "Putt-Putt."  I really have no good reason for naming him that, but I think it's hilarious.

"Putt-Putt" the Pleco

Lastly, Wiseguy - my silver lyretail molly - is definitely not a guy.  I think Wiseguy's pregnant.  Starting to look just like Sergeant Pepper did.  Not good!  I am SO over all these baby fish! 

These molly fish are such floozies.  That's right!  I said it.

Gut Feelings

This is an intensely personal writing that has been a work in progress for the last few weeks, mostly tossed about in my brain, and now finally formed in this blog post.  I warn you that this is not a topic easy for me to discuss, as I have generally worked so hard to keep it hidden from most people throughout my life.  I'm swinging a steel ball through a brick wall that's been up for quite a long time.  I feel this is a risk, but there's a sense of cautious hope that I can help educate others on an emotional level of what I've encountered.  I'm not the only one like this in the world, not by any means.

The Classroom

I'm sitting in the front row in a high school lab classroom - the subject, chemistry.  Before me and four other students is a long rectangular table with a black top.  I'm sitting on a stool like the others are beside me, as the teacher writes some kind of formula on the chalkboard.  I don't particularly like this class, and I lazily jot down notes.  Something churns in my stomach, and I know I'm about to feel unwell.  Sweat begins to form upon my forehead.  A tightness grips my gut.  I've been in this situation before.  Relax... I'm fine.  I don't need to use the restroom.  Breathe in, breathe out.  I try that a few times.  No, that's not working.  Can I hold off until the bell rings?  I don't want to make a scene.  Can anyone else around me tell that I'm feeling sick?  It seems like all eyes in the room are staring at me.  No, I can't wait anymore.  My arm darts up.  Come on, teacher, look my direction.  Come on... come on... she sees me.  "Yes, Michael?"  The words stream out as quickly as I can get them out: "Can I use the restroom?"  "Yes, you may."  I jump up and speed out of the classroom as fast as my feet can take me.  Will I make it to the restroom?  God, I hope so.  My face is warm, blushing bright red, and I'm fearful I'm not going to make it.  I don't make it.  Damn it, damn it, damn it...  how am I going to deal with this?  How will I hide this?  I do whatever I can in the restroom.  It's unavoidable - everyone is going to notice.  I'm going to have to get to the school receptionist and have my mother pick me up.  I still need to go back to the classroom and pick up my books and that bookbag on the floor.  Someone sees me in the hallway on my way there.  He laughs at me.  Oh, this is so embarassing.  I feel shame.  Intense shame.

This scenario plays out multiple times throughout my life, before and after that moment in that classroom.  The shame burns itself a little more stiffly into my self-image every time this happens.  But that time in that chemistry class exemplifies the worst period of my life when it comes to issues such as this.          

Moments in Time

A Sunday.  August 19, 1979 at 12:45pm.  That was the moment I came into this world, seemingly healthy.  Two hours later, it was discovered I was not quite whole.  I required major intestinal surgery, and two days later on the 21st, a colostomy is performed.  Tubes in my body every which way.  Incisions.  Major discomfort.  Crying.  As a baby, I must have suffered a lot, though it was probably more traumatic for my parents to see their newborn child in this condition.  Good thing we don't remember things from when we were born.

April 15, 1980: Back to the hospital to finish what was started.  I gained some weight and was healthy enough for the major surgery about to be done.  At the time, it was a new varation of a form of surgery, and I was lucky to have had it.  My life could have been much tougher without it.  But again, here, there were more tubes, more incisions.  Painful for a baby, and just as much so for the parents.  Functionally, the surgery corrected my condition.  However, there would always be some difficulties and potential problems.  The doctors knew that, and they informed my parents of this.

Throughout much of my young childhood, I didn't have much control.  But if I got sick, that didn't really matter much... until I became a part of a wider social world in elementary school.  At that age, if things want awry in class, I would deny my problem.  I'd get in trouble with the nurse sometimes.  My parents would be called, and I'd have to go home.  During one instance, I became sick, did nothing about it, and managed to keep it hidden (to this day, I have no idea how I did that) until I took the bus home to the babysitter.  She noticed.  I got a severe spanking for that from the babysitter.  Looking back at that moment in time, I feel anger for that woman.  For all she did was reinforce that shame.  The seed was firmly planted.

April 6, 2000:  Junior year in college.  It had been about four days of intense pain - the worst ever in my life.  I had lost about ten pounds, and after three hospital visits and misdiagnoses of the stomach flu, the university's nurse saw me and decided something was horribly wrong, and she sent me to the hospital for a fourth time with a demand for a CAT scan.  That's when they discovered I had a bowel obstruction and would require emergency surgery.  Hospital staff were trying to get ahold of my parents, who were a six-hour drive away.  A nurse sat beside me and told me she'd have to place a tube through my nose into my stomach (an "NG" nasogastric tube) to relieve the pressure in my intestines.  Already frightened about the upcoming surgery, that experience was traumatizing and I remember being in such tears.  An NG tube, by the way, is not fun at all.  The gag reflex works incredibly too well as your body fights it.  After that was done, I remember getting on the phone with my mom as I was so scared, and she said they would be on their way.  I was actually thankful when the anesthesiologist put me under.  Anesthesia is a gift at times like this.  When I awoke, I found that I had a new friend called morphine.  More importantly though, I found I had many friends - more than I really knew I had.  Fellow college student leaders came in and visited over the next few days.  There was a lot of love in that hospital room.  Combine that with the joy to see my parents and my best friend Marcus and good friend Erika by my side for much of my hospital stay.

The doctor told me if it had been another 24-48 hours before they discovered the bowel obstruction, I would have risked death.  I knew I'd never take life for granted from that point on.  When I was discharged, my mother brought me by my room in the residence halls to pick up some of my things.  My room had been cleaned by my friends.  Another act of kindness.  After a long drive home, I recuperated with my parents' help.  That warm and safe feeling one gets when they're at home - well, that's about as strong as it gets, in my opinion.

As soon as I was permitted, I drove back to college, making multiple long stops along the way, taking it easy.  I wanted to make it for the end of the year awards banquet with my fellow residence hall student leaders.  Among them, that was my second home.  When they awarded me "Executive Board Member of the Year," my path into my career in student affairs was solidified.  That was a very happy moment in time.  Support from my peers, from professional mentors.  That's the kind of environment I wanted to be in and to give that support back to others.

And Since...

Since that time, I had another bowel obstruction in 2003, though it was caught early enough that surgery was not required (though the dreaded NG tube was a necessity).  I do get sick quite frequently, especially when I'm stressed.  Sometimes "accidents" (I hate that term) do happen.  When they do, that horrible intense feeling of shame returns.  I've been taking steps to come to terms with that shame particularly over the past year and a half.  I've found some understanding people in my life recently, and it is because of them, that I am finally feeling more confident coming forward about what I've been dealing with in life. 

I know this is at great risk, however.  I'd like for people to know what it feels like.  There's a horrible stigma, and I want to do my part to educate others and work to get rid of that stigma.  This may not be my first blog post about this topic.

Final Thought

I leave you with this thought.  A filmmaker, Roey Shmool, is working on a documentary about the experiences of people like myself.  I'm looking forward to when he releases that film.  If you can, take a moment to view the web site and the trailer for the work-in-progress at Wear It On the Outside.*  When I first saw the trailer about a little over a year ago, I cried.  It was the first time I caught a glimpse into others' lives like myself.

Now I'm choosing to do the same.

*Update as of April 21, 2012: It no longer appears that the film will be produced as the web site has been taken down.  But you can still see the video of the original trailer on YouTube on the above link.

Walking on Sunshine

There are precisely four "major" pieces of news in my life or of family and friends.  Three positives, and one slight downer (but less significant than the rest, so overall it's pretty darn good).  As I sip on a delicious venti soy mocha frappuccino from Starbucks, I'll start with the most obvious thing that is on the forefront of my mind that I've been training for since July!

Walking on Sunshine - Newport, RI Half-Marathon

Since July 21, I have been training for my second half-marathon in Newport, Rhode Island.  As you all know, I'm not a runner.  But I do push some mean brisk speed walking that has gradually improved since May.  I started out in May walking at about a 14:30 min/mile pace, and now I tend to walk at a 13:45 (or faster) min/mile pace.  I've adjusted my walking method by shortening my stride and speeding up my steps.  That's done wonders in reducing injuries.

Today's half marathon (a full marathon and relay race also took place), sponsored by Amica and United Health Care, began at 8:00am on a chilly, breezy, but sunny morning along the water in Newport, RI.  At the start of the race, it was about 48 degrees, though it warmed up to about 58 degrees or so by the end of race.  I wore shorts with a long-sleeve bright orange Saucony shirt and my relatively new Nike shoes.

Saturday afternoon I had picked up my race packet and bib (#2138) and stayed overnight at the Royal Plaza Hotel in Middletown, RI.  I had chicken parmigiana for dinner at the hotel restaurant.  My stomach sadly was bothering me (what's new, though, huh?), and so some Pepto Bismol came in handy that night and on the morning of the half-marathon.  I had my clothes laid out for the morning, and for breakfast I had an oatmeal bar and half of a banana.  I drove the three miles to the Newport Grand casino parking lot which took about 30 minutes due to all the traffic, and I then took one of the shuttle buses which got me to the starting area at 7:45am.  Lines for the porta-potties at the starting area were absurd, but I wasn't about to deny my body's needs, so I actually didn't start the race until 8:10am (along with about 500 other late-starters).

And now we get to the race!  Initially, everyone was darting past me as the other walkers already started, and the late runners were kicking into high-gear right off the bat.  I decided I wasn't going to take things slow, and I immediately started at my usual 13:30-14:00 min/mile pace.  Thankful to get blood rushing through my limbs after standing around for so long in the chilly air, I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I reached the first mile mark.  And the second mile mark.  Before I knew it, I was at mile 5 and feeling terrific.  Around mile 6.5, I reached Ocean Drive for the gorgeous ocean views (this was the stretch that I practiced walking the Sunday a week prior).  I found I was finally passing some slower joggers and walkers now, which strangely motivated me to walk even faster.  Some tiredness kicked in around mile 8, but nothing too bad.  At mile 9, I "ate" a GU gel pack, which boosted my energy levels.  Seeing the mile 10 post was a rewarding signal that I was getting closer to the finish line, and it also coincided with a beautiful walk through the historic mansion district - extravagant multi-million dollar mansions with tall iron gates.  Mile 12 was a blessing - the rest of the course was truly downhill, which was a joy compared to my last half-marathon in June when we were unfairly burdened with a steep uphill final climb.  Some subtle tears starting welling up in my eyes, and for the last 100 yards, I jogged the rest of the way.

Final Time: 2:57:27 at a 13:33 pace!  My goal was to beat the three hour mark, and I was thrilled to have succeeded in meeting that goal.  In fact, it was my third best pace for any of my walks, and I felt great about that!  I had walked my June half-marathon in 3:15:07 at a 14:53 pace, so the combination of a flatter course and an improved walking style definitely made a big impact.  During today's race, everything seemed to work out perfectly for me - I couldn't have asked for better results, honestly.  I don't have any photos of me yet as I did this race on my own, but I'll likely purchase the professional finish line photo of me, though, when it comes out.

I sure do feel sore in my legs and ankles, but thankfully this time around, I appear to have avoided any significant blisters or black toenails.  Well fitting shoes and a good walking style make a difference!

Today, like 2,505 other half-marathoners and 1,006 full marathoners in Newport, I truly felt like I accomplished something.

Provided marathon long-sleeve shirt, race bib, and finisher's medal

Oh, and here's a taste of some of the music new to my playlist that kept me motivated during the race:

"Alive" by Pearl Jam
"Firestarter" by The Prodigy
"King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles
"My Sharona" by The Knack
"Defeat You" by Smashmouth
"Peaches" by Presidents of the United States
"Time Bomb" by Rancid
"Pas de Cheval" by Panic at the Disco
and of course...
"Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves

A Congratulations Announcement to My Best Friend

My best friend Marcus, a great guy who I met in college during the very first day of classes my freshman year, is now a father!  He and his wife just had a baby (their first) last night at 10pm, and I am so excited for them!  I can't wait to visit them - and my new "niece" Sunny Marie - hopefully in November!  I really wish I was there in Virginia right now to see them!  Congrats Marcus and Kathy!

A House in the Outer Banks?!

My parents informed me tonight that they've put an offer on a house in Kill Devil Hills of the Outer Banks in North Carolina.  As you might know, my parents, uncle, and I have stayed at different rental condos every year in the Outer Banks since I was much younger.  Recently my parents decided they wanted to scope out houses down there so that we could have a "holiday" place to stay at that we own.  It appears they've made a big step toward doing so!  I looked up everything about the place, and it seems amazing!  I hope the offer is accepted - although regardless my parents said if it doesn't, there are a few other houses they have their eyes set on.  Gone would be the standard September vacations that tend to stress me out since they're always just after we open the residence halls at work.  Fingers crossed, pretty soon we'll be able to go down there any time we choose at our very own place!

And the Sad News... Farewell to Sergeant Pepper

I bought three molly fish in late August - Champ, Wiseguy, and Sergeant Pepper.  Sgt. Pepper was a dalmation molly fish who has probably had about 50 babies since I bought her.  In fact, just a week ago, she gave birth to another batch of fish fry - and they appear to all be black mollies, which surprised me, considering all the other babies have all been dalmations, too.  Well, over the last few days, Sgt. Pepper hadn't been looking too good.  I went to the pet store on Friday afternoon to see if there was anything I could do for her, but there really wasn't.  I think her last pregnancy (her fourth since August, the frequency of which is very common for mollies) was just too much for her.  When I came back from Newport this afternoon, she was no longer alive.  She brought a lot of new life into the world, though!  I know it sounds silly to be sad for a fish, but hey... a life is a life.  Farewell, Sergeant Pepper!


Rest in peace, Sergeant Pepper!

Walking Update!

Forrest Gump once said, "Those must be comfortable shoes.  I bet you could walk all day in shoes like that and not feel a thing."

Well, I don't think I could walk all day in any shoes and not feel a thing.  But I know I was not feeling comfortable in my Brooks size 10 sneakers.  Too often, I have been getting blisters and black toe nails.  I'm sure the sneakers were fine, but they didn't fit right for me.  So, based on a recommendation from a friend from work, I stepped into Marathon Sports in Norwell, MA this afternoon aiming to find a pair of new sneakers!

The guy who helped fit me did a great job.  I'm a strange bird when it comes to sizing for shoes because I've been gifted with a significant shoe size difference among my feet - size 10 for my left foot... size 8.5 for my right foot.  It makes life difficult finding the right pair of shoes.  There are some deals out there for "mixed pair" shoes, but the guy at Marathon Sports told me he could find me the right pair of shoes without that hassle.  After the fitting routine, I ended up with the Nike Air Zoom Structure Triax +11 shoes, in a size 10.5.  I think the slightly larger shoes will help cut down on the issue of black toenails and blisters.

I splurged at the store a bit.  Thanks to the rave review I've heard from my friend Erin, I decided to get the Nike + iPod Sport Kit.  It's like a fancy high-tech pedometer that hooks up to your iPod.  A sensor goes into a specially designed pit in the inside sole of my new Nike sneakers.  Then I connect a small "receiver" into my iPod nano that detects the sensor as I walk.  Now my iPod actually talks to me as I'm walking, telling me how I'm doing in terms of distance, time, and pace.  It's not the annoying GPS voice, but a pleasant motivating voice.  Then at the end of the walk, the results are analyzed and put into a cool chart on my computer.  Pretty awesome!  If you follow me on Facebook, you'll probably start seeing all the crazy data it spits out onto my profile.

Also, if you're a walker (or a runner), don't you hate all the stuff in your pockets bouncing around?  I know I hate it - especially my cell phone!  I purchased an Amphipod Micropack Satellite that clamps onto the waistband of my pants/shorts.  Plenty of space for the phone, keys, and ID.  And the last thing I got was a long-sleeve bright orange "wicking" shirt.  All the shirts I have for walking are short-sleeve.  The weather's getting cooler, so soon I'll need a good long-sleeve shirt designed for all that sweating! (eww)

I walked four miles this afternoon with everything above (except for the long sleeve shirt), tested it all out, and I loved it!  Can you believe I'm now just about three weeks away from my UnitedHealthCare half marathon in Newport, RI on October 17th?  Oh, I can't... so pumped for it!  Check out the course map. Training-wise, this Sunday is my weekly long-distance walk, and it's the longest one - 10.5 miles (hey, that matches my shoe size!).  From Sunday on, the tapering begins - shorter training distances.

Stay tuned.

North Carolina Vacation

Every year in September, my parents, my uncle, and I have a family vacation in the Outer Banks of North Carolina for a week.  I usually get stressed out each year because the vacation comes just a couple weeks after we open the residence halls where I work, but this year I let all that stress go.  It was a wonderful and restful week at the ocean in Duck, NC.  We did some sightseeing of places we haven't been to before, and I got in few pictures, of course!

Firstly, if you're not familiar with the Outer Banks, it has a lot of history.  It's a thin stretch of islands extending north and south over about 200 miles, on the eastern coast of North Carolina.  There were a lot of shipwrecks off the coast there due to the shallow ocean waters.  There are a few major tourist areas like Nags Head and Kill Devil Hills (where the Wright Brothers took the first flight in 1903), but compared to many other ocean communities on the east coast, the Outer Banks are overall a fairly quiet place. 
 

One of the first things we did was drive down to Cape Hatteras.  It's about 1.5 to 2 hours south of Duck, and we had never been that far south before on the Outer Banks.  I was really excited to see and climb the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse.  It was originally built in 1803 but was later destroyed due to erosion and the Civil War.  They built another one, which stands there today, in 1870.  It's the tallest lighthouse in North America - 12 stories tall.  The park ranger at the entrance informed us that when the light was run on kerosene, the lighthouse keeper had to carry a couple of 5 gallon containers of kerosene up to the top three to four times a day.  Whew - that sounds like tough work!  I climbed the stairs to the top and felt a bit woozy, so I can only imagine carrying around 100 pounds of weight several times daily to the top.  The view after that climb was gorgeous, especially due to the beautiful sunny 85 degree weather.  The national seashore was visible as far as the eye could see.

Cape Hatteras Lighthouse

Close-up of Cape Hatteras Lighthouse



Cape Hatteras National Seashore



Woozy me at the top of the lighthouse!



On the same day we had lunch in Wanchese, a small alcohol-free (dry) town due to its religious roots, according to my uncle.  There's a great little restaurant there called Fisherman's Wharf, and I thought the painted mural on the side of the restaurant was cool - "Come and Dine," reads a little banner held up in the air by a couple birds.  You can definitely see the religious impressions in the painting.

Fisherman's Wharf Restaurant

"Come and Dine" mural at Fisherman's Wharf

Late in the week on a Friday, we drove up to Carova Beach, which is the northern most point of the North Carolina coastline.  If you've never heard of it, it has some unique qualities that distinquish it from just about any other town in the whole United States.  Carova Beach doesn't have a single paved road.  It's all sand.  And you won't find any roads that lead to it (Carova Beach, therefore, has no connection to Rome... haha).  You can't get there from Virginia's coastline - there's a "roadblock."  Nope - the only way you can travel to Carova Beach is via twelve miles of ocean beach.  My father has a truck with four wheel drive, so that's how we did it.  It's not the easiest task - you pretty much need to time your drive so that it's as close as possible to low tide - in order to go over the sand when it's wet and flat.  We timed it well driving to Carova Beach, but leaving it was much more difficult as it was closer to high tide.  According to a local real estate agent we met there (Twiddy Real Estate), there are perhaps about 120 year-round residents at Carova.  You won't find any businesses or stores in "town" other than the real estate office.  They have a fire department - that's it in terms of immediate local services.

On the beach near Carova

Ocean View from the truck on the beach

The best part of the trip to Carova Beach in my opinion was the wild horses.  The wild horses, supposedly about 60-80 of them, travel in small groups near Carova Beach and Currituck.  We were lucky to see a few of them hanging out near a couple different houses, but even better when we caught a great glimpse of them on the beach.  There, they seemed to be surrounded by people and vehicles.  A local official seemed to be trying to move people away from the horses to give them some space.  It's illegal for anyone to feed the horses or approach them within 50 feet or so.  We happened to be driving back to Duck along the beach at the time, but I managed to get a few quick photographs of them.  Beautiful creatures!



Wild Horses at Carova Beach



Most of the time while in the Outer Banks, I was reading.  Since my staff chose to go with a Harry Potter theme to the decorations of the Student Apartments where I work, I felt I should read the Harry Potter books.  When I saw one of the RAs' decorations - a key with wings - I was clueless as to its meaning.  Back when all the books were originally coming out, I practically boycotted them due to their popularity and young adult focus.  But now I can certainly see why people love the books.  I'm addicted to them.  I read books 3 (Prisoner of Azkaban) and 4 (Goblet of Fire) in that week-long vacation.  The book series start off so innocent and child-like, but they get darker and more complex as the series progresses.  I'm presently on book 5 now (The Order of the Phoenix).

I also got a few walks in during vacation - two four-mile walks and an eight-mile walk.  Still training for the half marathon!  (more on that in another blog later this week)  On the first four-mile walk, a deer had darted across my path only about ten feet ahead of me (amazing sight, I must say).  On the second four-mile walk, a sneaky little snake had slithered in front of me on the sidewalk.  I think it was a garden snake but I didn't get a close look at it since they frighten the heck out of me.  The eight-mile walk was exceptionally exhausting.  I was glad to do them all though, and the Outer Banks scenery made them all the more enjoyable.

Alright, I'm signing off for the night.  I'll be walking first thing tomorrow morning!

Staying Positive

I was thinking today about how we are constantly in crisis with ourselves between positivity and negativity.  Our emotions and attitudes are always in flux.  I can have days where a terrible mood sets in that creates a barrier around me, pushing others away.  I don't like those days.  Yet they happen, and they pass.  On other days, I feel like I'm taking the high road, intrinsicably hopeful and nonjudgmental.  I think both are absolutely natural.  Ultimately, you are your own best friend and your own worst enemy.  And almost without fail, you have the choice and the ability to decide which you'd rather be.  I hope I lean toward the former.  I'd rather feel empowered to choose, and to choose the right path for myself.  Doing so also makes the rest of the world a brighter place.

And so with that, I refer to a poem that I wrote perhaps around 2002.  It is a message of optimism and empowerment.  The biological references in the poem might make a few snicker or even feel a bit uncomfortable.  But whenever I read this poem over again, I feel secure and certain that I am where I presently should be.  I hope it might help you, too. 

A Chosen One

Who are you to belittle your existence?
Who are you to waste your life away?
Why should you destroy your future?
How can you sit there so depressed?

When the scene was set years ago
Where one of a million eggs lay
Where one of a million sperm prey
And the combination of those two
Where chance beats everything
Where anyone could be created
Where the odds, so unimaginably unthinkable
Were against you
At that moment, you were given a chance
A chance to show what you've got

So don't say life is unfair
Don't complain about the petty things
Don't ignore the beautiful things in life

For the odds were in your favor all along
You were meant to be
Don't question your existence
Be happy you are the one of millions
You are a chosen one.

Been Gone Fishing

It has been far too long since my last blog.  Life has been exceptionally busy since mid-August as I've been smack in the middle of training with our Resident Assistants and then opening of the residence halls.  A crazy 16 straight days of organized chaos with some fantastic people!  However, being the introvert that I am, I'm majorly glad to finally have a bit of a break of alone time for the next couple of days.

Earlier in August, I moved to the Student Apartments on campus.  I'm now in a small but very homey apartment.  Unfortunately, there are no windows - only skylights.  I felt bad for my cat Evey who has been accustomed to full views of the outside world.  So I decided to get a 20 gallon aquarium along with three molly fish so that Evey has something to watch while I'm away all day.  I've never had a fish before in my life except perhaps when I was much younger.  I never knew how complicated it was to set up and maintain an aquarium, taking into consideration: the size of the aquarium, the filter, heater, decorations, water quality (and delicate biological cycle in the beginning), and type of fish.  At the moment, I have a dalmation (like it sounds) molly, a black molly, and a silver lyretail molly.  The naming process was an undertaking in itself.  The dalmation's name is Sergeant Pepper; the black molly is Champ - he is a trooper because as I was pouring the fish from their bag into a net, Champ missed the net and crashed into the bucket below, but he has survived wonderfully; the silver lyretail is Wiseguy since he has no fear of Evey when she presses her little nose up to the tank, plus Wiseguy just has the goofiest personality of the three, I think. 

It didn't take long for me to realize that Sergeant Pepper was pregnant.  She just had babies (or "fry" as they are technically called) on September 1.  Two days later, she is still having more babies.  It's bizarre that molly fish, especially females (including the mother), are like cannibals, eating the young.  I didn't really want to get a breeder net (separates the babies from the adults) because I don't really need that many additional fish in the tank.  I bought some floating plants instead for all the little guys to hide in; this gives them a fighting (or fleeing?) chance to survive the scary monsters.  I've had to crush up the fish flake food into powder so the babies can eat it.  I also had to prevent the fry from getting sucked into the filter, so I invested in some panty hose (an awkward shopping experience) to cover the filter with - it still can do its job somewhat.  I'm a little disturbed by how the filter looks now (see below), but hey... what can you do? :) 

This is definitely a fun and rewarding experience.  I'm really hoping that some of the fish fry survive - considering there are probably around 15-20 babies still after three days, I think some will make it and mature into adults.  Perhaps toward the end of September, once it becomes more apparent how many new fish I'll have, I'll likely go out to the pet store and purchase some different colorful fish!  I think I'm much more interested in the fish than Evey is now.  I can certainly see why people love having an aquarium.

Bring It!

I am so excited that I've registered to walk the UnitedHealthcare Half Marathon in Newport, Rhode Island at 8am on Sunday, October 17, 2010.  I officially began my training on July 21.  This time, I'm able to adhere to the recommended time frame of training (I've read that 12-16 weeks is standard) over the course of 13 weeks.  It's essentially 3 miles twice a week on Wednesdays and Fridays, cross-training twice a week on Mondays and Thursdays, and a gradually increasing long-distance walk once a week on Sundays.  Tuesdays and Saturdays are my rest days.  In a couple weeks, the bi-weekly 3 miles will increase to 4 miles.

Today I was only two seconds shy of breaking my pace record of 13 minutes 39 seconds per mile - SO close!  Thus far, I'm happy to say I've had no pain anywhere in my body - unlike for the last half marathon when sore knees and shin splints were very common during my training.  I've done the necessary stretching before and after every walk, and I've chosen not to jog this time around - at least for now.  So these could all be contributing factors to my pain-free training.  From my last half marathon, the blister I got on the bottom of my foot finally healed after three weeks.  Actually, it's technically still there and occasionally gets a little irritated, but it's generally good.  My two black toenails are still quite black, and I expect I will lose both nails eventually - perhaps in another month or so. 

I think the biggest challenge for my training will be the fact that with my job we'll be in the middle of Resident Assistant staff training mid-to-late August and then we're opening the residence halls in late August/early September (hard to believe we're one month away exactly from the day that our halls open to first-year students).  It's going to be a very busy schedule with long days, and there may be some mornings or late evenings where I won't want to walk.  But I will walk!  It's a good feeling to walk on a regular basis, and I've found my energy level is usually higher on those days that I walk (long-distance walk days the exception; I'm exhausted those days, and that's legitimately going to be a bit of a concern). 

A little more about the half marathon: The UnitedHealthcare Half Marathon is actually part of the Amica Marathon - same day and location.  The marathon was ranked as the 4th best marathon in the country last year.  The half marathon route is almost entirely along the water, which is AWESOME.  :)  Though somewhat hilly, it's nowhere near as steep as my last half marathon in the Blue Hills Reservation.  Plus, Newport is just a beautiful area.  So I'm pumped.

P.S. - I've lost 10 pounds since early May.  That's a good thing.  Now I'd like for my body to stop losing the weight and stay steady.  A semi-sincere apology to those who are upset that I have this dilemma. 

I'll keep you updated on all the training. :)

Adventures in New York

It's HOT in New York City in July!

I just got back from a fun-packed 4-day vacation in NYC and Long Island with my mom, and it was such a blast!  This was my second visit ever to the Big Apple (the first time was for just a day and a half in 2002), and this time I drove.  Driving in New York City is an adventure in itself - though I stayed close to the Queens area where the hotel was located, as well as Long Island, so traffic wasn't too scary.  My mom flew up into LaGuardia from Virginia to meet me.  She's been there two or three times before with some of her girlfriends.  Here's a day-by-day review with photos for what my mom and I did!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

1:00pm: Headed out on the road in my trusty '98 Nissan Altima.  Traffic was surprisingly light with one exception around New Haven, Connecticut.  I made it to the Pan American Hotel in Queens, New York around 5:45pm.  I found out about the Pan Am Hotel after Googling NYC hotels.  It's an inexpensive place to stay that has the all the basic amenities - nothing fancy - but exactly what you need.  All I really wanted was air conditioning, a clean room, and free parking.  It was just $105 a night.  And only 4 blocks away from a subway station that had a direct line to Manhattan (a bit long 35-minute train trek, however).

6:45pm: Took the subway to Times Square and saw American Idiot on Broadway at the St. James Theatre.  It features all Green Day songs and was co-written by the band's singer Billie Joe Armstrong.  90 minutes in length and no intermission.  A musical not for the faint-hearted!  The storyline centered around three main characters who experience serious hardships in their lives: unintended pregnancy where the boyfriend initially ditches the girl; getting injured in the war in Iraq; and becoming an heroin addict.  Oh and there was a simulated sex scene... that was, um, almost too realistic.  Overall though, I thoroughly enjoyed the show in its entirety.  I took a few photos of Times Square, too!  I love the Toys R Us store there.  Despicable Me was plastered over the entrance, and I really want to see that movie soon!

Your Traditional View of Times Square.

Despicable Me at Toys R Us!

A Trippy Long-Exposure Shot of Times Square.

Friday, July 16, 2010

9:30am:  My mom arrived at the hotel!  We hadn't made plans for the day time so after glancing through some web sites, we decided on Greenwich Village, since neither of us had done that before and it was sort of off the beaten path.  It's kind of a posh neighborhood with lots of shopping.  We walked along Bleecker Street for a couple hours.  We ate at a little Italian restaurant called Risotteria.  Their menu was big on gluten free products.  In fact, most of the restaurants in Greenwich Village seemed to be very conscientious of people with celiac disease, which I thought was pretty cool.  Here are some shots from our little venture there.

Our Lady of Pompeii Church.

I had never seen a model display with a teddy bear's head before!

A Gorgeous Little Residential Block in Greenwich Village.

Ever see an ice cream truck that sells Coach bags?  (Actually, it did sell ice cream, but I was confused at first!)

4:15pm: The highlight of the trip!  We drove out to Westhampton Beach on Long Island.  They say it takes anywhere from 1.5 to 4 hours to drive into Long Island from NYC depending on the time of day.  Glad I planned on a long drive, because it took nearly 3 hours to drive about 70 miles.  I never knew the Hamptons was rural country land!  Westhampton Beach was BEAUTIFUL and had such a nice cool breeze and breath of fresh air.  We went there to see Diane Birch at the Westhampton Performing Arts Center (a very small venue seating about 425 people).  Ms. Birch is quite possibly my favorite singer-songwriter for the past year.  I adore her and her music!  If you haven't heard her music, check out her web site!  I'd describe her style as being similar to Carole King.  The stars were absolutely shining on me that evening, because I asked at the box office if they had any closer seats.  The response: "Let's see... um, wow, yes, there are two front row seats!"  JACKPOT!!! Seats A1 and A3.   Needless to say, I was in HEAVEN for that concert.  Check out the photos from where we sat, along with a fantastic shot of me and Ms. Birch, and the front entrance of the performing arts center.  Also, we ate at a fantastic Asian cuisine restaurant with outstanding sushi!

Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center: Diane Birch!

We could not have been any closer to the stage!

My heart's fluttering a bit here.  That sounds so stalker-ish.  I promise that is not my M.O.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

3:00pm: We got a late start this day because a lingering sinus infection I had decided to strike back that morning.  After a nap, I felt better though.  We made a spontaneous trip to 5th Avenue for some shopping.  I decided I wanted to splurge on a very fashionable and expensive summer cap.  This seems to be one of my new vices - hat collecting.  JJ Hat Center had an expansive collection of hats to try on.  Such a blast... Later, we ate at a little restaurant called Cafe Park.  Good turkey burgers there, I gotta say...

7:45pm: Top of the Rock!  If you want to see a view of the city from high above the skyscrapers, do the observation deck at 30 Rockefeller Plaza where NBC Studios is.  The lines are shorter than at the Empire State Building, and this place is hipper, anyway.  Plus the views of the cityscape are so much better when the Empire State Building is in it!  Also, at the observation deck, there's a crazy psychedelic room with these glowing multi-colored lights that react to people's movement.  I probably took way too many photographs there. 

 

Psychedelic blue lights - that room was too cool.

New York City at Night from the Top of the Rock.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

8:15am:  Every NYC trip must include a visit to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.  Honestly, I enjoy Ellis Island so much more because of my passion for genealogy and family history.  America's immigration history is captured so well there.  At Battery Park (where you board the ferries), you'll find a beautiful statue that was once in one of the World Trade Center towers during their collapse.  The statue, although damaged, was one of the few surviving remnants of that tragedy on September 11, 2001.  A flame burns in front of the statue round-the-clock as a memorial to that day.

Entrance of Ellis Island.

Lost luggage at Ellis Island.  At least two of my ancestors departed from the port of Bremen, Germany.

 

The Main Hall of Ellis Island.  Millions of immigrants passed through this hall.

World Trade Center Statue, now in Battery Park.

3:30pm:  Sadly, we had to leave... I expected to be home in 4 hours.  That turned into 5.5 hours due to heavy NYC traffic.  But I really loved this trip... it was so bitter-sweet to come back home.